Once a month (lol) we’d like to showcase the races for members courageous enough to spend a few minutes filling out a Google Form, and until we get that sick shout-out from the CEO himself on Twitter or, preferably, Instagram®, we will *NOT* promote Run Gum!
Winners, losers, and everyone in between (even you Masters runners!), I wanna hear your tales! Your submission can be as brief, or *long* as you’d like! Better believe I’m deleting any references to Run Gum though!
Are you racing in July? Cougar? Maybe you ran in a town called Carlation and won a pie? Or you ran next to someone who won a pie? Maybe you set a personal 400m record running away from an angry crow mother? Here’s an incomplete list of “races” I accept:
In order to increase the rate of submissions from its current rate of 0.3 per month, I’d like to offer the following perks to reporters!*
Let’s hand it off to JUNE 2019’s kind sir whose report reads like he composed it during his (spoiler alert) mile 7 poo break!
This was my second time running Grandma’s Marathon. It’s in Duluth, Minnesota, which is upcountry Minnesota. I think Duluth is Anglo for Grandma??? It sounds like doula. Which reminds me of Paula Abdul. Um, oh the race. Well, I ran pretty poorly in my first attempt (2:55), but it was a fun time after the race in what was known as the “tents,” where all the upcountry folk and hill people come to town and jive. Anyway, I’ve been “training” at altitude so I thought I could come back to this race and find some redemption and run sub-2:40, that was my A GOAL. The B goal was to finish without projectile vomiting right before the finish like last time…unless I was close enough to the line to get it on video. Yeah, this race has cameras from the left, right, and center as you cross the finish line. I really appreciate this about the race.
Anyway, the race itself was pretty good. I ran 2:36 and 34 seconds. That’s about 6 minute pace. I went out a bit faster though, 5:50s because I knew I needed to bank some time for bathroom breaks. I took a wee leak at mile 2 and then a quick squat at mile 7. Nothing else eventful happened as it was a road race, point-to-point, net elevation loss (ie no elevation), aided by a massive tailwind. I think a headwind would have been better as it was a bit warm (60s? that’s hot for Duluth). For reference I got 138th place, but 8 of those were women. Also, I didn’t wear the 4%.
Shoeless Joe Sez!
“This was my second time running Grandma’s Marathon.”
Weird flex, but ok, continue.
“It’s in Duluth, Minnesota, which is upcountry Minnesota.”
I admit my SAT geography score wasn’t great, but when did Minnesota become a country? Is this like the Alaska or Texas or Utah thing where the state that no one likes acts all put out and continually threatens to secede from the rest of us and use dogecoin as a currency and start their *own* Ninja Warrior franchise? I only know one guy from Minnesota but I don’t speak to him anymore and I don’t care to end the feud just to ask him to clarify this for me (screw you, Patrick!).
“I think Duluth is Anglo for Grandma??? It sounds like doula. Which reminds me of Paula Abdul.”
I Bing’d “thing’s to do in duluth” and the #2 result was “ride a Lime Bike to Wisconsin.” Which reminds me to remind you all that I went to same high school as Aaron Rodgers and I know a couple guys who know his brother.
“Um, oh the race.”
“Anyway, the race itself was pretty good. I ran 2:36 and 34 seconds.”
“That’s about 6 minute pace.”
“…aided by a massive tailwind. I think a headwind would have been better as it was a bit warm.”
Uh huh. Nothing farts up a marathon performance than one of those annoying tailwinds. Turn that wind around and you def woulda been 2:2x!
For real though Paulie, that’s a helluva performance….writing this race report! And your marathon result is one to be proud of as well! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go fall into a Paula Abdul music video wormhole and pretend I’m Keanu Reeves.
Archived Member Race Reports
- SRC Member Race Reports – October 2019
- SRC Member Race Reports – August 2019
- SRC Member Race Reports – July 2019
- SRC Member Race Reports – June 2019
- SRC Member Race Reports – May 2019
- SRC Member Race Reports – April 2019
- SRC Member Race Reports – October 2018
- SRC Member Race Reports – September 2018
- SRC Member Race Reports – August 2018
- SRC Member Race Reports – July 2018
- SRC Member Race Reports - June 2018
- SRC Member Race Reports – May 2018
- SRC Member Race Reports - April 2018