Once a month we’d like to showcase the races for members courageous enough to spend a few minutes filling out a Google Form, and until we get that sick shout-out from the CEO himself on Twitter or, preferably, Instagram®, we will *NOT* promote Run Gum!
First-placers, mid-packers, sweepers, we want to hear all the tales: heroism, zeroism, and everything in between. And as you see below, your submission can be as brief, or *long* as you’d like!
Are you racing this November? Probably! Here’s an incomplete list of “races” I accept:
- Real races! (road, track, trail, relays, obstacle courses, chasing that teen around the track after his friend Todd dared you to race him)
- Not really races(?) (stair climbs for cancer research, color runs, certain Mario Kart levels)
- Strava CRs! (no bikes)
- Strava CR attempts! (definitely no bikes)
- Beer Miles (5% abv or even PBR beer miles!)
- Beer ultras
In order to receive more reports in the coming months, I’d like to offer the following perks to becoming race reporters!*
- I’ll go with you to the nearest QFC and buy you a 6 pack of Leinenkugel.
- I’ll go with you to the nearest QFC and you can see what happens when I offer to buy a random #teen a 6 pack of Leinenkugel.
- We’ll go to the nearest Target and I’ll ask the nearest non-male cashier if they have “condoms for virgins” and if so “I’ll buy 3.”
- I’ll email Ginger Runner over and over until he agrees to check out my Pliny The Elder bottle collection and do a Shoeless Joe interview.
- I’ll race in my favorite Big Dogs shirt at whatever the next Rainshadow Running race I’m allowed to enter the lottery for.
*Perks will not be honored
Let’s hand it off to OCTOBER 2018’s CAVALCADE OF ONE FUCK*NG BOSS HOSS WHOSE NAME IS BRYAN LION!
🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻
Bryan Hamilton
Member #: 1733
Race name: West Seattle Monster Dash
When was this race? 10/27/2018
How did you place?! I won
Race website: westseattlemonsterdash.com
At the 7th annual West Seattle Monster Dash, SRC members had a clean sweep with Bryan Hamilton and Kristi Houk nabbing the top spots as The Flash and Batgirl, respectively. Kristi is recovering from a car accident/back injury. Bryan, I am not sure what his excuse is–maybe old age.
Here is my (Bryan’s) account:
After two years of racing this event in Lincoln Park and being beaten by Dan Sloat, I have finally been victorious. I woke up race day. It was a typical Seattle fall morning. The air was crisp, the fog was shining and leaves were blowing in the wind. Oh yeah, and three little birds were by my doorstep. I toe’d the start line, looked around, and there was no sign of Dan Sloat. The start gun went off and still there was no sign of Dan Sloat. I took off like a Flash; I knew this year would be the year. I swung my arms, engaged my glutes, and never looked back until I crossed the finish line.
Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):
Shoeless Joe Sez!
“At the 7th annual West Seattle Monster Dash”
7 years?! If this race has been around *seven* years, I’ll donate my back catalog of WWF Magazines to the local high school (while wearing a Club Northwest singlet, of course)
“After 2 years of racing this event in Lincoln Park and being beaten by Dan Sloat, I have finally been victorious.”
I can confirm that Bryan got jobbed out by Dan Sloat last year, evidenced by this gif of Dan in his gorgeous SRC singlet slash terrible Halloween costume getting ready to SLAY those 8 year-olds in their T-Rex costumes.
Wouldn’t surprise me if he also stole candy from a little girl and (barely) beat up a 10 year-old in the parking lot afterward.
“three little birds were by my doorstep”
One of my favorite Maroon 5 tracks!
“I toe’d the start line, looked around, and there was no sign of Dan Sloat.”
Hard to race 5Ks against 5 year-olds whilst also arguing on your Slack workspace full of run nerds about Strava GPS inaccuracies!
“I swung my arms”
Good thing Dan Sloat wasn’t nearby or you might have grazed him in the arms and given those pipe-cleaners a visible bruise and he woulda said “own my arm!”
Congrats Bryan and Kristi! From the advanced research I did on your photograph, I can say with 95% certainty (and happiness) that it appears you’re *not* chewing Run Gum, so hands in the air!
(Leaves to Google “cheap Maroon 5 concert tickets”)
