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Featured Member Information Race Reports

SRC Member Race Reports – October 2019

Once a month (lol) we’d like to showcase the races for members courageous enough to spend a few minutes filling out a Google Form, and until we get that sick shout-out from the CEO himself on Twitter or, preferably, Instagram® or Bumble, we will *NOT* promote Run Gum!

Your submission can be as brief or long as you’d like! Better believe I’m deleting any references to Run Gum though, unless I forget!

Are you racing or have you raced in NOVEMBER? I *might* race XC Regionals down in Portland if anyone wants to watch the slower CNW guys get visibly frustrated cause a fat 39 year-old passed them at mile four. Feel free to join me! We can simultaneously write our reports from the Olympia Jiffy Lube when TJ’s car breaks down on the way home.

Here’s an incomplete list of “races” I accept:

  1. Real races! (road, track, trail, relays, obstacle courses, bike races at Seward Park cause you’re tired of hanging with your run friends)
  2. Not really races(?) (stair climbs for cancer research, color runs, certain Mario Kart levels, Track & Field arcade tournaments at Fleet Feet Ballard, etc)
  3. Strava CRs! (no bikes)
  4. Strava CR attempts! (definitely no bikes)
  5. Short distance personal records running away from teens who you think might have just seen you get turned down asking for an job application at QFC.
  6. If you’re even wondering if it counts, it probably does! At this point I’m halfway to accepting E-bike racing vs. heavy-legged run commuters on E. Marginal Way, so check your Strava fly-bys to see if you’ve recently taken me on!

Submit Your Race Report!

Let’s hand it off to OCTOBER’S 2019’s *two* (squints at paper, grimaces noticeably) NOT WOMEN!
🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

One of the Aarons

Member #: 1960
Race name: Cougar October! 7.6mi (~12k)
When was this race? Not a date; or rly a race. At least it wasn’t for me. 😻
How did you place?! Good question. It’s something I’ll never know and will always wonder about.
Race website: cougar.src.org/
*Your* website URL: https://www.rocheam.com/move.html
Race report:

Crashed car. Dealt with that for an hour and a half. Ubered to the race 35 minutes late. Got a bib. Ran hard. Finished knowing that was probably the right thing to do with the rest of my morning.

[This is more of a diary entry than a race report.] Sorrynotsorry, Joe. 😻

Dear diary,

Phew. Where to start? Well, I was up quite early, eager to get everything organized to make it out for my *FIRST EVER COUGAR MOUNTAIN RACE.* I ate, dressed, shaved, taped and body glided-up the important areas, rolled out, and fed kitty, not necessarily in that order, before heading out the door.

I hopped in the EV for the ~20minute ride out to Sky Country. It was still dark when I left at that morning hour, though visibility on the Seattle streets was fine. I got out of the neighborhood with no issue and almost made it to 90 before being run off the road by a guy trying to make a right turn from the left lane. He didn’t see me driving up next to him, pushed me onto the curb, and my tire was shredded from the impact.

I crawled to the next intersection and he followed me there. We exchanged info. We waited for SPD. He left, I waited for a tow company and listened to Jeff from Lincoln towing complain about my car not having a spare. “Sorries Jeff; just do your thang as quickly as possible and keep the conversation to a minimum” were my internal thoughts as I awkwardly grinned and nodded as he patronized me in this moment of extreme joy.

Shortly after Little Boy Blue was towed away, I re-downloaded the Uber app and asked for a pickup from where I stood on the side of MLK Way S and Renton Pl S. To passersby, I probs looked like someone who just escaped from a nearby tent city – hovering around my possessions.

These included:

  • one bag for race clothes.
  • one small backpack with post-race clothes and pre & post-race nutrition. @seattlegummycompany #seattlegummysquad #seattlegummyathletes.
  • one pair of trail runners.
  • two water bottles.
  • a few milligrams left of my self-worth. #metricfreak

Uber driver Issa arrived in his Prius (b/c of course it was a Prius) and when I told him wha’ ha’ happened he was equally appalled and upset about the way my day had started. So, ya know, that was just a refreshing reminder: EVEN UBER DRIVERS CAN EXPRESS EMPATHY. #theh00manrace.

We made our way to Sky Country on Cougar, just past the endless line of cars lining the road leading to the trailhead and the parking lot that was for sure 100% full! I shame-walked with my gear to the start/finish area and was first greeted by Christopher who notified me that I was in fact late to the race. Lol. Yeah. Fashionably late, AMIRITE??

Then I saw Eric and William; gave them the brief “TIFU. Got into an accident on the way to the race.” T.J. at some point came and gave me a pat on the back after asking if I was okay. Then Michael asked if I still wanted to race.

My response must have been “yes” because he handed me a bib in like record time. I pinned it to whatever clothes I was wearing atop my soulless body, tied my shoes with fingers that were already numb from jotting down insurance claim numbers, tow company phone digits, and the names of body shops that were recommended to me, and eventually found the starting line.

T.J. counted me down, I clicked my watch, checked to make sure my head was still attached to my body, then took to the 7.6mi course like a GD man possessed. ish. 55’ later, I got back and, hey people were there!

***

Stay tuned for the report on my actual race in about a week or so. Or, well, whenever I get it up on my blog. By then, hopefully the insurance company will have the towing sorted out so that my car actually makes it to the body shop. Maybe I’ll even have Little Boy Blue Back among all of my possessions! And those gloves that I threw into the air after I crossed the finish line! Thanks again for recovering those, Dustin!! Ugh. What a day!
#seattlerunning #blessed #humansbeingbros #alwaysanadventure #🌊

H/t Michael for getting me my bib. “As long as you finish before Trisha sweeps the course, then you’ll get an official time!” Uli for the mid-race high-five at the top of Tibbetts Marsh trail. Ryan for quickly grabbing his camera as he saw me approaching his spot on the E. Fork Trail. Kristi, the expert *navigator,* who drove me back home in her Escalade. And last, but not least, Dustin, for his race direction all year out from Sky Country on Coooo-gah Mountain! Photos: pre-race, T.J. capturing some memories on my phone. Race: Ryan Thrower, NW Trail Runs new “resident” photographer. 🤩. Post-race: William w/ 👊 on that team snap!

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“Ubered to the race”

“shaved”

“one small backpack with post-race clothes and pre & post-race nutrition. @seattlegummycompany #seattlegummysquad #seattlegummyathletes.”

If you think I’m linking to what is surely Nick Symmonds’ little side hustle venture, when he’s had two years to acknowledge that **I EXIST** and decided not to, then I’ve got an emoji I can dare you to use next to a misspelled word of your choosing.

“#seattlegummyathletes”

Ahh cool! Love this viral stuff!

yyyyyeesh

(tip toes away, stealthily)

“‘Sorries Jeff; just do your thang as quickly as possible and keep the conversation to a minimum’ were my internal thoughts as I awkwardly grinned and nodded as he patronized me in this moment of extreme joy.”

All my women readers/fans are nodding along with this sentiment, knowingly.

“Then I saw Eric and William”

For the record we’re about 1100 words into this ‘race report’ and Aaron has just now arrived at the race. ⏳

“T.J. at some point came and gave me a pat on the back after asking if I was okay.”

“…the names of body shops that were recommended to me”

WE GET IT, you’re a bad driver! Get to the race!

“55’ later, I got back”

aaaaand that quickly the “race” portion of Aaron’s race report has ended.

Seriously though, good on you for getting out there after #baddriving, and racing #alone, and most importantly of all, fitting this race report in between all that #socialmedia’ing!


Olin Berger

Member #: 1579
Race name: Cougar 50k
When was this race? 10/27/19
How did you place?! Who cares?
Race website: cougar.src.org
*Your* website URL: https://www.monsterenergy.com/us/en/products/muscle-monster
Race report:

Fresh off a hot string of DNFs, I came into this year’s Cougar 50k looking to be able to just finish the distance and not quit ultra running immediately after. Fortunately, it was a beautiful day and I’m pretty sure I was contractually obligated to do so.

The race started and, quicker than a male masters xc runner can jump ship to CNW, I needed to go to the bathroom. Too late I realized I could’ve taken one for the team and distracted the other xc teams by causing a commotion right next to the trail, but the SRC squad would need to fight their own battles.

I did my best Joe Creighton impression coming down from Wilderness Peak, hoping not to recreate a fall from last year which ruined my Cool Guy (TM) tights and, despite that, made it all the way to the top of Squak without yet seeing another 50k runner. This is when young Michael Tappel caught up with me. Instead of doing the polite thing and accompanying an “Out of the way old man!” with a shove into the bushes, he rode my bumper down to the next aid station, making the whole event suddenly a race, which is all very frustrating. I would’ve been fine with a nice cushy win, but having to work for it, ugh. Michael then had the audacity to let me leave the aid station at SR-900 first, forcing me to run almost the entire climb until tight hips shut me down and I waved him in front so he wouldn’t try to trick me into any speed on the flats. Then it was just the good old shuffling plod to the finish that wins the hearts of ultra runners the world over.

I finished just shy of my time from 5 years ago when I first ran this race, met Joe Creighton, and got involved with SRC. So maybe there’s some good way to cap off the report there with a kind of flashback montage of how far we’ve come to get to the same place, yada yada yada.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“Fresh off a hot string of DNFs, I came into this year’s Cougar 50k looking to be able to just finish the distance and not quit ultra running immediately after.”

This is the kind of hard-nosed ambition you’ll get from our former World Championship team members!

“quicker than a male masters xc runner can jump ship to CNW…”

Speaking as a 39.7 year old…..I cannot *wait* for the email I’m about to receive from the Orange Boys. There are a ton of hard bodies over there I wanna interview!

“I needed to go to the bathroom.”

Gotta be all that Monster Muscle you’re (pretending to be) drinking.

“I needed to go to the bathroom. Too late I realized I could’ve taken one for the team and distracted the other xc teams by causing a commotion right next to the trail, but the SRC squad would need to fight their own battles.”

I can’t tell if this is coded language to appeal to your secret reddit group, but…did you actually end up shitting or were you just clenching cheeks for 30 miles?

I’m not going to let you drop this plot point like we’re writing some Gilmore Girls spec script.

“I did my best Joe Creighton impression coming down from Wilderness Peak”

“…from 5 years ago when I first ran this race, met Joe Creighton, and got involved with SRC.”

💋

“yada yada yada”


Archived Member Race Reports

Categories
Featured Member Information Race Reports

SRC Member Race Reports – August 2019

Once a month (lol) we’d like to showcase the races for members courageous enough to spend a few minutes filling out a Google Form, and until we get that sick shout-out from the CEO himself on Twitter or, preferably, Instagram® or Bumble, we will *NOT* promote Run Gum!

I wanna hear your tales! Your submission can be as brief or long as you’d like! Better believe I’m deleting any references to Run Gum though, unless I forget!

Are you racing or have you raced in September? I did! Eighty minutes behind Evan Williams at Backcountry Rise (spoiler alert)! If so, send me a report! Fat Glass is coming up in like 10 days; I’ll accept pretty much any report of *any* activity at that den of sin!

Here’s an incomplete list of “races” I accept:

  1. Real races! (road, track, trail, relays, obstacle courses, 100 meter races in Oregon where you’re attempting to break 11 seconds, bike races at Seward Park cause you’re tired of hanging with your run friends)
  2. Not really races(?) (stair climbs for cancer research, color runs, certain Mario Kart levels, short sprints vs your friend Doug to the local Fleet Feet to not buy Run Gum)
  3. Strava CRs! (no bikes)
  4. Strava CR attempts! (definitely no bikes)
  5. Short distance personal records running away from teens who you think might have just seen you get turned down asking for an job application at QFC.

Submit Your Race Report!

Let’s hand it off to AUGUST’S 2019’s *two* boss hosses….and me!
🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

Tyler Cox

Member #: 2086
Race name: Volcanic 50k
When was this race?: 8/3/19
How did you place?:I lost
Race website: Volcanic 50
Race report:

How many races can you do where you get to run around a whole volcano?? Possibly more than I think, but I still thought this race was cool.

Started off conservatively which was good as I got lost in the first boulder field and was only saved by a pack of 5 who actually seemed to know what they were doing and went the right way.

The race director warned of bees and sure enough I found some willing to sting me before the first aid station!

Managed to hold it together and pick some people off in the second half. I credit my ‘heat training’ that consisted of sitting in a sauna a couple times and sweating off a few gallons of water.

Ended up finishing second and had a blast!

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“How many races can you do where you get to run around a whole volcano??”

NO idea! Four?

“Possibly more than I think, but I still thought this race was cool.”

Fine, I’ll do this myself…

Damnit!

“I credit my ‘heat training’ that consisted of sitting in a sauna a couple times and sweating off a few gallons of water.”

Replace “sauna” with “library bathroom” and “a couple times” with “every Taco Tuesday” and “few gallons of water” with “Rockstar Juiced” and you have my heat training before Backcountry Rise 50k the other day where I…finished 81 minutes behind Evan Williams 🤪

I met Tyler during the 2018 XC season and was immediately endeared to him because he laughed at my jokes. Not to brag but I pretty much destroyed him in all XC races last season (by a LOT….and he’s like half my age 😎), but I don’t think I’ll ever beat him ever again in a race that doesn’t involve an NES controller.


“Big” Joe Creighton

Member #: 1028
Race name: Cougar Mtn 14.5 Mile
When was this race?: 8/10/19
How did you place?:I lost
Race website: I made this site with Derek:)
Race report:

I didn’t make it to the start line in time to hear what epic events or races Uli Steidl had run in the days leading up to this race, otherwise I might have been more confident during the middle miles on a #moist Cougar morning. As it is, I ran behind Evan Williams for about 2 miles (way too close, for way too long), and after he inevitably pulled away to hopefully not cut the course in any way, I found myself all alone in 2nd, running terrified of an #old German, the Smog Strangler, and a couple orange singlets.

I had no climbing legs this day, so I tried to and successfully made up for it with perhaps my best-ever hour-long stretch of downhill & flat trail running. My two minute lead over Uli only shrunk to like 90 seconds by the end of the race and you better believe I’m rocking my “2nd place” coffee mug at work to the delight of all the guys in the office who think they’re *really* clever.

Evan on the other hand beat me by 6 minutes and I believe had already done his cool down jog and showered by the time I’d hit the finish chute. I’m mostly certain he didn’t cut the course.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

I ain’t gonna comment on my own comments to my own race (I’m not a *loser*), so let’s look at the six strava login page background photos!

Hate when this one comes up, this 17 year-old ass looking kid reminds me of a cross between Andrew Miller, who dropped me at Gorge 50k in 2013 like a sack of potatoes as a 16 year old, and the #teen “comedians” at QFC who think it’s funny to point out to random strangers that I’m only buying milk and toilet paper, like they’d care (they don’t).

No way this woman uses strava, this is the company trying to convince us what their core demo–cyclists–looks like. I see (and smell) your core demo on every commute to work, strava!

We’re getting closer! Guys looking like they’re dressed for the Tour de France when really they’re just riding 15mph to work in slightly-too-threadbare (and always WHITE!!) kits that leave little to the imagination as they roar past me.

Nice ass crack, Mark!

Oh look, swimmers!


What % of strava users are primarily swim loggers? Are these literally the only two?

My favorite. Woman on the left with the “you’re not really going to use *that* photo of me are you?!” look on her face while the guy on the right looks spectacularly non-Samoan but seems to have stolen all of The Rock’s arm tattoos.

Consider me #inspiredtorun!


A-a ron, SRC Social Media 😽

Member #: 1960
Race name: Northwest Trail Runs Somer Blast; Half ‘thon
When was this race?: 8/17/2019
How did you place?: I lost
Race website: Link
*Your* website URL: rocheam.com/move
Race report:

Tl;dr Ran a trail half, came 2nd, decided that’s better than coming 1st, still gettin’ those illicit DMs bay-BEE! #spinstercatmom #livingthedream #roastme

This was my first race since a disastrous marathon debut back at the end of April, so I had pretty low expectations. In this new training cycle, I feel like I’ve restored some balance to my life. I had time to take Sulley to the vet for her annual check-up, was able to do some house cleaning, and had even gotten around to responding to all those DMs and Hinge requests that had been stacking up all of 2018 and well into ’19. Bah, the struggles of being a cat mom, hobbyist runner, and a social media addict. Any-hoo, life was starting to feel normal and running was fun again.

Rewind to this past weekend – or probably two months ago, depending on when Joe actually gets to this. I got to the watershed in plenty of time and saw a bunch of my SRC pals who were prepping for their races and/or volunteering. Shout-out to the Northwest Trail Runs staff and volunteers for another well-organized event. 🙌

At about 9:35am, Kati started the race via her countdown; there are no guns allowed in the watershed – just horses, and people, and I guess MTB’ers? But definitely no pets, 🚨🚨🚨*GUY WITH A PET OUT THERE! I SAW YOU!* 🚨🚨🚨

So, yeah, to the race: I got out with a group of two other dudes – Bill, the winner from two years ago and again this year and Virgil, a French-looking dude who was totes side-eyeing me before the race and was wearing a bicycle kit *AND* a hydration belt. “No fucking way was I going to lose to that guy,” I whispered under my breath. Well, as fate would have it, biker bro set the pace for the first three miles. See, I know it was three miles because his watch beeped at every fucking mile. Fuck I hate that so much. *SILENCE YOUR WATCH* and have some gah damn respect for nature, d00d!

Bah, we wound up passing him just before the first aid station at about mile 4. Bill bolted ahead and I just tried to stay somewhat collected despite being furious by those GD beeps at every mile!! *Run, run, run* 8 miles later, I was still in 2nd and I started to ham it up with anyone and everyone whose path I crossed – thanks for the fly-by high-five, Dustin! I saw Somer K on the final stretch to the finish, flashed her a wink and a smile [yeah, no, I’m not that cool] and tried to get to the line under 1h27mins.

Meh. Finished in 1h27’05. Came second. Which I think can be more satisfying than coming first. And absolutely more satisfying than not coming at all. 🔵 🔵 Not bad for the first race back. #seattlerunning

Have fun with this one, Joe.

Love,
A-a ron

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“…had even gotten around to responding to all those DMs and Hinge requests that had been stacking up.”

(looks at watch)

(looks up Hinge)

“Bah, the struggles of being a cat mom, hobbyist runner, and a social media addict.”

“🚨🚨🚨*GUY WITH A PET OUT THERE! I SAW YOU!* 🚨🚨🚨

I really don’t understand Pez dispensers….the candy is awful, the plastic will never biodegrade, only loser man-child collectors keep this business model afloat and how in the hell have they never had a line of pro wrestling dispensers? It’s kinda weird that a half marathoner would bring one out to Redmond Waters—OH WAIT I now see you said pets. Nevermind.

“I got out with a group of two other dudes”

They have names, you know.

Bill, the winner from two years ago and again this year and Virgil, a French-looking dude…

“French-looking dude”? So, he looks white? Let’s see what he looks like:

Definitely looks more Czech to me.

“…who was totes side-eyeing me before the race and was wearing a bicycle kit *AND* a hydration belt. ‘No fucking way was I going to lose to that guy,’ I whispered under my breath.”

Let’s see what *Virgil* had to say about the race, and if he was as concerned about you!

“This was a trail Half Marathon. Not too hilly and very runnable. Came in 3rd with a time of 1:28:22. Temp was around 65* so very comfortable. GU Roctane sux!

Well, a little less color than your report, (sigh), A-a ron, but also a bit less mean-spirited about everything until the abrupt lane change into extreme hatred of Gu Roctane (which must have given him the shits the way he slammed it amirite?)…and you better believe I noticed Roctane and Roche sharing the same first three letters…🤔

“…tried to get to the line under 1h27mins. Meh. Finished in 1h27’05.”

Well this was mildly anti-climactic.

“And absolutely more satisfying than not coming at all. 🔵 🔵”

You already made this joke. #seattlerunning


Archived Member Race Reports

Categories
Featured Member Information Race Reports

SRC Member Race Reports – July 2019

Once a month (lol) we’d like to showcase the races for members courageous enough to spend a few minutes filling out a Google Form, and until we get that sick shout-out from the CEO himself on Twitter or, preferably, Instagram® or Bumble, we will *NOT* promote Run Gum!

Winners, losers, and everyone in between (even you Masters runners!), I wanna hear your tales! Your submission can be as brief, or *long* as you’d like! Better believe I’m deleting any references to Run Gum though!

Are you racing or have you raced in August? I did! Six minutes behind Evan Williams at Cougar (spoiler alert)! Maybe you raced (and lost) to a smug-looking guy in jeans riding an e-bike? Maybe you set a PR running to the corner market for more Epic bars? Here’s an incomplete list of “races” I accept:

  1. Real races! (road, track, trail, relays, obstacle courses, 100 meter races in Oregon where you’re attempting to break 11 seconds, bike races at Seward Park cause you’re tired of hanging with your run friends)
  2. Not really races(?) (stair climbs for cancer research, color runs, certain Mario Kart levels, short sprints vs your friend Doug to the local Fleet Feet to not buy Run Gum)
  3. Strava CRs! (no bikes)
  4. Strava CR attempts! (definitely no bikes)
  5. Short distance personal records running away from teens who you think might have just seen you get turned down asking for an job application at QFC.

In order to increase the rate of submissions from its current rate of 0.4 per month, I’d like to offer the following perks to reporters!*

  1. I’ll go with you to the nearest QFC and buy you a 6 pack of Leinenkugel.
  2. I’ll buy you a haircut at Sports Clips (I have a gift card a “cool” sarcastic teen gave me last year)
  3. Marshall’s shopping spree ($12 limit)
  4. I’ll send Ginger Runner youtube comments until he agrees to check out my Pliny The Elder bottle collection and do a Shoeless Joe interview.
  5. I’ll race in my favorite Big Dogs shirt at whatever the next Rainshadow Running race I’m allowed to enter the lottery for.

*Perks will not be honored

Submit Your Race Report!

Let’s hand it off to JULY 2019’s *two* boss hosses!
🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

Joe Kelly

Member #: 1938
Race name: White River 50
When was this race? 7/27
How did you place?! I lost
Race website: whiteriver50.org
Race report:

Cliff Notes:
– Great first half
– Leg cramps the whole 2nd half
– Shoeless Joe ass slaps
– Scream vomit

This was my first 50 miler and I got crushed. The race started off great as the weather was cool and cloudy and I was cruising through the early flat section with fellow SRCers Rob Bond and Olin Berger. Some guy with huge delts took it out fast from the gun…we thought he probably wouldn’t sustain it but the joke is on us because he beat us all. I completed the first climb comfortably and reached the out and back section just as Shoeless Joe was getting there to cheer us on. Rob had already gone through there so he missed out on a nice ass slap. The ridge section was mostly fine except for when I ran through a left turn and got confused for about 20 seconds. When I went back to the trail I noticed a long line of pink flags pointing me in the right direction. This is probably when I should have noticed that it wouldn’t be my day.

I finished the ridge section and started to feel some leg twinges on the downhill – NOT a good sign at mile 21 of a 50 mile race especially since i had been very diligent about my food and liquid intake. I cruised down to the Buck Creek aid station where I was greeted by my wife and a boatload of cheerful SRCers. I reloaded with food and drink and headed on my way knowing the 2nd half would be a challenge with my leg cramp situation (thanks Parker!).

My legs immediately locked up as I started the climb – great, only 22 more miles of this! I did my best Tin Man impersonation up to the Fawn Ridge aid station where I started to feel nauseous. I grabbed some Coke and sat down in a chair but my body was immediately like, “Nah!”, and I violently scream vomited again (this also happened on Chinscraper at Chuckanut). SRCer Paul Young who also happened to be at this aid station had some good commentary during this episode. Post puke, I ate a ton of PB&Js and watermelon and was on my way. I continued Tin Man climbing all the way up to Sun Top but fortunately the stomach was fine. I was able to run most of the way down to Skookum with some stops for calf cramps. At this point, I was singing some TLC but modified the words to be “Don’t go racing ul-ltras, stick to the shorter trail races you’re used to.” I struggled through the Skookum Flats, getting passed by a ton of runners, including a 60 year old Shoeless Joe doppelganger and Adam Hewey with a mile to go. I got another ass slap from Joe and then finished (yeah!). It was over an hour slower than I wanted but it felt good to not DNF. To add insult to injury, the second zipper on my pack broke mid-race (the first one broke a week prior).

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“Cliff Notes:”

#wellactually, it’s called CliffsNotes

Little known fact, about 80% of my college application essay was about my love of CliffsNotes. Only UC Santa Cruz accepted me. I ended up graduating from Chico State in 5 years. Now I’m here.

“- Great first half
– Leg cramps the whole 2nd half
– Shoeless Joe ass slaps”

Sounds like every White River 50 I’ve ever run

“- Scream vomit”

gifofsomeonelookingconcerned.gif

“…through the early flat section with fellow SRCers Rob Bond and Olin Berger.”

Look forward to their race reports…😒

“…and I violently scream vomited again (this also happened on Chinscraper at Chuckanut)”

dudeseriouslygotoadoctor.gif

Seriously though, thanks for reminding of the album I had on repeat during *my* first White River back in 2009

“At this point, I was singing some TLC but modified the words to be ‘Don’t go racing ul-ltras, stick to the shorter trail races you’re used to.'”

aboutoutoftimeherejoe.gif

“getting passed by a ton of runners, including a 60 year old Shoeless Joe doppelganger”

“I got another ass slap from Joe”

Thanks for alerting me to the fact that think I should maybe, umm, stop slapping guys’ asses.

“To add insult to injury, the second zipper on my pack broke mid-race (the first one broke a week prior).”

Way to bury the lede, Joe.

(Slaps ass, *hard*)


Evan Williams

Member #: 1305
Race name: The Escarpment Trail 30k
When was this race? July 28, 2019
How did you place?! 4th
Race website: http://escarpmenttrail.com/bs/
*Your* website URL: threeleftturns.weebly.com/
Race report:

The flat sections have the trickiest footing. Then, there are hands-required climbs and cliff jumping descents (except no water to land in). It’s in the east (Windham, NY), where “switch back” is not part of trail vocabulary. The weather was also humid and 92F by the second half of the race. Dick Vincent is the race director, who taught Steve Faluotico how to run, who taught me how to run. It’s becoming an annual pilgrimage, even though I haven’t “figured out” this race yet.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“The flat sections have the trickiest footing.”

This sort of reminds me of a brief time a few years back when I tripped and fell about 3 times in 2 weeks whilst street running on sidewalks around #WestSeattle #RoadBoy #CNW

“…hands-required climbs and cliff jumping descents (except no water to land in).”

I don’t have much to make fun of or joke about in this race report of what sounds like the world’s worst race for someone like me, so I’ll just remind/inform everyone that I beat Evan fair & square* in a 10 mile race in April of this year, down in Bend.

*Ok fine, Evan wore jeans and a long-sleeve Carhartt shirt that seemed to absorb every drizzly drop of rain that fell that morning…

Pic: Liam Pickhardt

…while I exposed my hairy shoulders and thighs and beat Evan by 2 mins and 5 secs, aka the length of time required for me to chug a beer during a boat race.


Archived Member Race Reports

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Featured Member Information Race Reports

SRC Member Race Reports – June 2019


Once a month (lol) we’d like to showcase the races for members courageous enough to spend a few minutes filling out a Google Form, and until we get that sick shout-out from the CEO himself on Twitter or, preferably, Instagram®, we will *NOT* promote Run Gum!

Winners, losers, and everyone in between (even you Masters runners!), I wanna hear your tales! Your submission can be as brief, or *long* as you’d like! Better believe I’m deleting any references to Run Gum though!

Are you racing in July? Cougar? Maybe you ran in a town called Carlation and won a pie? Or you ran next to someone who won a pie? Maybe you set a personal 400m record running away from an angry crow mother? Here’s an incomplete list of “races” I accept:

  1. Real races! (road, track, trail, relays, obstacle courses, chasing that teen around the track after his friend Todd dared you to race him)
  2. Not really races(?) (stair climbs for cancer research, color runs, certain Mario Kart levels)
  3. Strava CRs! (no bikes)
  4. Strava CR attempts! (definitely no bikes)
  5. Short distance personal records running away from dive-bombing crows

In order to increase the rate of submissions from its current rate of 0.3 per month, I’d like to offer the following perks to reporters!*

  1. I’ll go with you to the nearest QFC and buy you a 6 pack of Leinenkugel.
  2. I’ll go with you to the nearest QFC and you can see what happens when I offer to buy a random #teen a 6 pack of Leinenkugel.
  3. We’ll go to the nearest Target and I’ll ask the nearest non-male cashier if they have “condoms for virgins” and if so “I’ll buy 3.”
  4. I’ll email Ginger Runner over and over until he agrees to check out my Pliny The Elder bottle collection and do a Shoeless Joe interview.
  5. I’ll race in my favorite Big Dogs shirt at whatever the next Rainshadow Running race I’m allowed to enter the lottery for.

*Perks will not be honored

Submit Your Race Report!

Let’s hand it off to JUNE 2019’s kind sir whose report reads like he composed it during his (spoiler alert) mile 7 poo break!
🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

Paul Young

Member #: 1824
Race name: Grandma’s Marathon
When was this race? 6/22/2019
How did you place?! Who cares?
Race website: grandmasmarathon.com
*Your* website URL: paulheartsdolphins
Race report:

This was my second time running Grandma’s Marathon. It’s in Duluth, Minnesota, which is upcountry Minnesota. I think Duluth is Anglo for Grandma??? It sounds like doula. Which reminds me of Paula Abdul. Um, oh the race. Well, I ran pretty poorly in my first attempt (2:55), but it was a fun time after the race in what was known as the “tents,” where all the upcountry folk and hill people come to town and jive. Anyway, I’ve been “training” at altitude so I thought I could come back to this race and find some redemption and run sub-2:40, that was my A GOAL. The B goal was to finish without projectile vomiting right before the finish like last time…unless I was close enough to the line to get it on video. Yeah, this race has cameras from the left, right, and center as you cross the finish line. I really appreciate this about the race.

Anyway, the race itself was pretty good. I ran 2:36 and 34 seconds. That’s about 6 minute pace. I went out a bit faster though, 5:50s because I knew I needed to bank some time for bathroom breaks. I took a wee leak at mile 2 and then a quick squat at mile 7. Nothing else eventful happened as it was a road race, point-to-point, net elevation loss (ie no elevation), aided by a massive tailwind. I think a headwind would have been better as it was a bit warm (60s? that’s hot for Duluth). For reference I got 138th place, but 8 of those were women. Also, I didn’t wear the 4%.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“This was my second time running Grandma’s Marathon.”

Weird flex, but ok, continue.

“It’s in Duluth, Minnesota, which is upcountry Minnesota.”

I admit my SAT geography score wasn’t great, but when did Minnesota become a country? Is this like the Alaska or Texas or Utah thing where the state that no one likes acts all put out and continually threatens to secede from the rest of us and use dogecoin as a currency and start their *own* Ninja Warrior franchise? I only know one guy from Minnesota but I don’t speak to him anymore and I don’t care to end the feud just to ask him to clarify this for me (screw you, Patrick!).

“I think Duluth is Anglo for Grandma??? It sounds like doula. Which reminds me of Paula Abdul.”

I Bing’d “thing’s to do in duluth” and the #2 result was “ride a Lime Bike to Wisconsin.” Which reminds me to remind you all that I went to same high school as Aaron Rodgers and I know a couple guys who know his brother.

“Um, oh the race.”

“Anyway, the race itself was pretty good. I ran 2:36 and 34 seconds.”

“That’s about 6 minute pace.”

“…aided by a massive tailwind. I think a headwind would have been better as it was a bit warm.”

Uh huh. Nothing farts up a marathon performance than one of those annoying tailwinds. Turn that wind around and you def woulda been 2:2x!

For real though Paulie, that’s a helluva performance….writing this race report! And your marathon result is one to be proud of as well! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go fall into a Paula Abdul music video wormhole and pretend I’m Keanu Reeves.


Archived Member Race Reports

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Featured Member Information Race Reports

SRC Member Race Reports – May 2019

📸Evan Williams

Once a month (lol) we’d like to showcase the races for members courageous enough to spend a few minutes filling out a Google Form, and until we get that sick shout-out from the CEO himself on Twitter or, preferably, Instagram®, we will *NOT* promote Run Gum!

Winners, losers, and everyone in between (even you Masters runners!), I wanna hear your tales! Your submission can be as brief, or *long* as you’d like! Better believe I’m deleting any references to Run Gum though!

Are you racing in June? Cougar? Probably! Rock & Roll?! (Haha!) Here’s an incomplete list of “races” I accept:

  1. Real races! (road, track, trail, relays, obstacle courses, chasing that teen around the track after his friend Todd dared you to race him)
  2. Not really races(?) (stair climbs for cancer research, color runs, certain Mario Kart levels)
  3. Strava CRs! (no bikes)
  4. Strava CR attempts! (definitely no bikes)

In order to increase the rate of submissions from its current rate of 0.2 per month, I’d like to offer the following perks to reporters!*

  1. I’ll go with you to the nearest QFC and buy you a 6 pack of Leinenkugel.
  2. I’ll go with you to the nearest QFC and you can see what happens when I offer to buy a random #teen a 6 pack of Leinenkugel.
  3. We’ll go to the nearest Target and I’ll ask the nearest non-male cashier if they have “condoms for virgins” and if so “I’ll buy 3.”
  4. I’ll email Ginger Runner over and over until he agrees to check out my Pliny The Elder bottle collection and do a Shoeless Joe interview.
  5. I’ll race in my favorite Big Dogs shirt at whatever the next Rainshadow Running race I’m allowed to enter the lottery for.

*Perks will not be honored

Submit Your Race Report!

Let’s hand it off to MAY 2019’s brave soul who obviously spent a lot of time on his report and I can see why so many of you are intimidated to do so yourself!
🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

Brett Winegar

Member #: 1830
Race name: Sun Mountain 25K
When was this race?05-19-2019
How did you place?! 2nd – by 4 seconds and closing
Race website: Ultrasignup
Race report:

Sun Mountain – finished 2nd by 4 seconds. Don’t know who the winner was but I was so freaking close to catching him…just ran out of distance. He gapped me by a good minute in the first half. There was a CNW guy that was dogging me most of the race. I finally put a couple minutes on him in the last 3 to 4 miles while I was trying to chase down the winner. All 3 of us had a huge gap on the rest of the field.

I was 2:05:32. Times where slower this year but the course had a few little changes that made it a little longer…just a hair under 17 miles total.

It was a very solid race for me – I ran as well as I could on the day.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

📸Evan Williams

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“There was a CNW guy”

Booooo!

“…that was dogging me most of the race.”

I’m….wait what?

“Times where slower this year but the course had a few little changes that made it a little longer”

I used to “dog” races that changed their course every year, but now that Cougar Mtn had to change it a bit this year on account of felled trees, I now have no issues with course changes because I am cool.

In fact the Sun Mountain 50k I ran a number of years ago before lotteries were a thing and I remember multiple junctions of no signage and got frustrated and gave up and stopped “racing” and later wrote a whiny pity-party blog post about it that maybe 3 people read but one of those three was the race director and he apologized and I felt bad and so to make it right I made sure my site was hosted by a shit company that eventually lost my database and of course I didn’t back it up so the whiny post is gone.


Archived Member Race Reports

Categories
Featured Member Information Race Reports

SRC Member Race Reports – April 2019

Once a month (lol) we’d like to showcase the races for members courageous enough to spend a few minutes filling out a Google Form, and until we get that sick shout-out from the CEO himself on Twitter or, preferably, Instagram®, we will *NOT* promote Run Gum!

Winners, losers, and everyone in between (even you Masters runners!), I wanna hear your tales! Your submission can be as brief, or *long* as you’d like! Better believe I’m deleting any references to Run Gum though!

Are you racing in May? Cougar? Probably! (No Run Gum at Cougar aid stations, I can assure you) Here’s an incomplete list of “races” I accept:

  1. Real races! (road, track, trail, relays, obstacle courses, chasing that teen around the track after his friend Todd dared you to race him)
  2. Not really races(?) (stair climbs for cancer research, color runs, certain Mario Kart levels)
  3. Strava CRs! (no bikes)
  4. Strava CR attempts! (definitely no bikes)

In order to increase the rate of submissions from its current rate of 0.2 per month, I’d like to offer the following perks to reporters!*

  1. I’ll go with you to the nearest QFC and buy you a 6 pack of Leinenkugel.
  2. I’ll go with you to the nearest QFC and you can see what happens when I offer to buy a random #teen a 6 pack of Leinenkugel.
  3. We’ll go to the nearest Target and I’ll ask the nearest non-male cashier if they have “condoms for virgins” and if so “I’ll buy 3.”
  4. I’ll email Ginger Runner over and over until he agrees to check out my Pliny The Elder bottle collection and do a Shoeless Joe interview.
  5. I’ll race in my favorite Big Dogs shirt at whatever the next Rainshadow Running race I’m allowed to enter the lottery for.

*Perks will not be honored

Submit Your Race Report!

Let’s hand it off to APRIL 2019’s ruthless & rabid reporters, starting off with a familiar face!
🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

“Big” Joe Creighton

Member #: 1029
Race name: Horse Butte 10 Mile
When was this race? 4/07/19
How did you place?! Who cares, I beat Evan Williams*
Race website: results
*Your* website URL: boyz.exposed
Race report:

TBH I mostly only agreed to join Stefan Redfield and Evan Williams at this race in Central Oregon as I wanted to see Max King’s calf vasculature up close and in person.

My dad mailed me a birthday check, but it bounced, so when my mom wired me my birthday money a few days later, I signed up and found a pair of 1991 Guns & Roses Tour denim shorts to rock. The race sort or requires it of anyone running semi-seriously to wear denim since the inevitable winner every year (King) cosplays as a roided-up Al Borlan in shorts and Salomons. I’m going to wear my full Nike kit that I got on clearance at Big 5 and lose to King by four and half minutes instead of five minutes in daisy dukes? Nahhhhh.

(Shows clerk at Goodwill my handful of denim shorts made for 14 year old girls)
“I’d like to use the change room, please. Also do you guys sell Monster Energy?”

Ten miles and a breakfast of four (4) bananas later, I finished 4th place, seconds behind Stefan’s college friend who wore the (orange 😒) Nike kit he got from Big 5 and somehow still managed to have a wife, so I maintained 3rd overall in the Denim Division.

A few minutes after finishing, the race director congratulated me on being the first Masters finisher.
*Evan raced in full length jeans

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):


Martin Criminale

Member #: 1348
Race name: REVEL Mt Charleston Marathon
When was this race? 4/27/19
How did you place?! I won
Race website: runrevel.com/rmc
*Your* website URL: martin.criminale.com
Race report:

This is a downhill course and is all about qualifying for Boston. The first half descends, the second half is mostly flat with some short climbs in the last five miles. I started out feeling great! Doesn’t everyone in a downhill road race? But when I hit a hill at mile 22 the wheels came off. Luckily I had enough time in the bank to win my age group and I got a marathon PR. This is a VERY well supported event, there are aid stations every two miles and they all appeared to have toilets. The finish line expo is also pretty good with everyone getting one free beer, piece of pizza, and slice of pie. They also had towels soaked in cold water! That felt heavenly after running the Las Vegas heat.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“This is a downhill course and is all about qualifying for Boston.”

Did Rufus make it this time?!

“The finish line expo is also pretty good with everyone getting one free beer, piece of pizza, and slice of pie.”

Is this was the Seattle Marathon, the halfers would have walked off with an average of 4 beers (Red Hook oh yeah!!) & pizza+pie slices apiece, leaving you marathoners with one warm milk, one cup of limp celery, and one dixie cup of raisins apiece.

“They also had towels soaked in cold water!”

We marathoning in a Mad Max society now? How is “cold water” getting a shout out in a race report?

“(nothing about experiencing Carrot Top’s act at Luxor)”

I know I’m asking for “race reports” but in my mind, the true race experience isn’t relegated merely to between the start gun and finish line; it’s also about describing at length Carrot Top’s set at the Luxor later than evening! *Most* marathoners hit a hill around mile 22 and the wheels fall off, but how many can describe witnessing a yoked Carrot Top pulling his latest wacky inventions out of a steamer trunk a mere 12 hours later?!


Marlene Farrell

Member #: 1155
Race name: Horse Lake 25k Trail race and Sunflower Trail Marathon
When was this race? 4/27 (Horse Lake) and 5/4 (Sunflower)
How did you place?! 2nd woman, 1st master’s at Horse Lake and 3rd woman, 1st Master’s at Sunflower.
Race website: Horse Lake
Sunflower
Race report:

Horse Lake had crazy winds (over 30mph) and hail. I’m proud of my result at Sunflower because I really wasn’t recovered from Horse Lake and I made the poor decision of wearing new shoes which made my feet feel like they were on fire. But I loved the wildflowers, as always, at both of these races.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“I made the poor decision of wearing new shoes which made my feet feel like they were on fire.”


You know, I know no one thinks Vibram makes shoes anymore, but they–hold on, let me check…

Ok yeah they still make shoes and let me assure you they no longer pay me to pimp them out, but the airflow you get from some of their models can be, with the right post-purchase adjustments made using a sharp knife or pair of scissors, marginally better than some of these “fancy” or “cool” shoes you can still purchase at actual brick & mortar shops.

Keep a spot open at the Cool Masters Table for me, Marlene! I’m on my way!


Archived Member Race Reports

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Featured Member Information Race Reports Uncategorized

SRC Member Race Reports – October 2018

Once a month we’d like to showcase the races for members courageous enough to spend a few minutes filling out a Google Form, and until we get that sick shout-out from the CEO himself on Twitter or, preferably, Instagram®, we will *NOT* promote Run Gum!

First-placers, mid-packers, sweepers, we want to hear all the tales: heroism, zeroism, and everything in between. And as you see below, your submission can be as brief, or *long* as you’d like!

Are you racing this November? Probably! Here’s an incomplete list of “races” I accept:

  1. Real races! (road, track, trail, relays, obstacle courses, chasing that teen around the track after his friend Todd dared you to race him)
  2. Not really races(?) (stair climbs for cancer research, color runs, certain Mario Kart levels)
  3. Strava CRs! (no bikes)
  4. Strava CR attempts! (definitely no bikes)
  5. Beer Miles (5% abv or even PBR beer miles!)
  6. Beer ultras

In order to receive more reports in the coming months, I’d like to offer the following perks to becoming race reporters!*

  1. I’ll go with you to the nearest QFC and buy you a 6 pack of Leinenkugel.
  2. I’ll go with you to the nearest QFC and you can see what happens when I offer to buy a random #teen a 6 pack of Leinenkugel.
  3. We’ll go to the nearest Target and I’ll ask the nearest non-male cashier if they have “condoms for virgins” and if so “I’ll buy 3.”
  4. I’ll email Ginger Runner over and over until he agrees to check out my Pliny The Elder bottle collection and do a Shoeless Joe interview.
  5. I’ll race in my favorite Big Dogs shirt at whatever the next Rainshadow Running race I’m allowed to enter the lottery for.

*Perks will not be honored

Submit Your Race Report!

Let’s hand it off to OCTOBER 2018’s CAVALCADE OF ONE FUCK*NG BOSS HOSS WHOSE NAME IS BRYAN LION!
🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

Bryan Hamilton

Member #: 1733
Race name: West Seattle Monster Dash
When was this race? 10/27/2018
How did you place?! I won
Race website: westseattlemonsterdash.com

At the 7th annual West Seattle Monster Dash, SRC members had a clean sweep with Bryan Hamilton and Kristi Houk nabbing the top spots as The Flash and Batgirl, respectively. Kristi is recovering from a car accident/back injury. Bryan, I am not sure what his excuse is–maybe old age.

Here is my (Bryan’s) account:

After two years of racing this event in Lincoln Park and being beaten by Dan Sloat, I have finally been victorious. I woke up race day. It was a typical Seattle fall morning. The air was crisp, the fog was shining and leaves were blowing in the wind. Oh yeah, and three little birds were by my doorstep. I toe’d the start line, looked around, and there was no sign of Dan Sloat. The start gun went off and still there was no sign of Dan Sloat. I took off like a Flash; I knew this year would be the year. I swung my arms, engaged my glutes, and never looked back until I crossed the finish line.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“At the 7th annual West Seattle Monster Dash”

7 years?! If this race has been around *seven* years, I’ll donate my back catalog of WWF Magazines to the local high school (while wearing a Club Northwest singlet, of course)

“After 2 years of racing this event in Lincoln Park and being beaten by Dan Sloat, I have finally been victorious.”

I can confirm that Bryan got jobbed out by Dan Sloat last year, evidenced by this gif of Dan in his gorgeous SRC singlet slash terrible Halloween costume getting ready to SLAY those 8 year-olds in their T-Rex costumes.

Wouldn’t surprise me if he also stole candy from a little girl and (barely) beat up a 10 year-old in the parking lot afterward.

“three little birds were by my doorstep”

One of my favorite Maroon 5 tracks!

“I toe’d the start line, looked around, and there was no sign of Dan Sloat.”

Hard to race 5Ks against 5 year-olds whilst also arguing on your Slack workspace full of run nerds about Strava GPS inaccuracies!

“I swung my arms”

Good thing Dan Sloat wasn’t nearby or you might have grazed him in the arms and given those pipe-cleaners a visible bruise and he woulda said “own my arm!”

Congrats Bryan and Kristi! From the advanced research I did on your photograph, I can say with 95% certainty (and happiness) that it appears you’re *not* chewing Run Gum, so hands in the air!

(Leaves to Google “cheap Maroon 5 concert tickets”)


Archived Member Race Reports

Categories
Club News Featured Member Information Race Reports

SRC Member Race Reports – September 2018

Once a month we’d like to showcase the races for members courageous enough to spend a few minutes filling out a Google Form, and until we get that sick shout-out from the CEO himself on Twitter or, preferably, Instagram®, we will *NOT* promote Run Gum!

First-placers, mid-packers, sweepers, we want to hear all the tales: heroism, zeroism, and everything in between. And as you see below, your submission can be as brief, or *long* as you’d like!

Are you racing this September? Probably! Here’s an incomplete list of “races” I accept:

  1. Real races! (road, track, trail, relays, obstacle courses, chasing that teen around the track after his friend Todd dared you to race him)
  2. Not really races(?) (stair climbs for cancer research, color runs, certain Mario Kart levels)
  3. Strava CRs! (no bikes)
  4. Strava CR attempts! (definitely no bikes)
  5. Beer Miles (5% abv or even PBR beer miles!)
  6. Beer ultras

Submit Your Race Report!

Let’s hand it off to SEPTEMBER 2018’s CAVALCADE OF BOSS HOSSES!
🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

Aaron Roche, SRC XC Yearbook Editor

Member #: 1960
Race name: PLU Invitational
When was this race? 15 September 2018
How did you place?! SRC ***A-TEAM*** displacer
Race website: golutes.com
*Your* website URL: rocheam.com/move
Race report:

Cross country team season opener. 4 loops, 8 kilometers, and 12-14 years in the bank against the college-aged lads. XC IS BACK BAY-BEE!

Highlights:
– Watching the exuberant youths sprint the first 400m like they were back in middle school.
– Catching up to and then passing some surfer bro from Pacific U. in Oregon who ***LOST HIS G.D. SHOES*** somewhere on the course.
– Hearing words of encouragement from the many spectators and teammates lining the course.
– Hearing words of intimidation from the many washed-up coaches lining the course. For example, one coach, clutching his clipboard and doing math in his head to determine how many points his team was losing to a group of post-post-post-collegiate hobby-joggers, calling out instructions to his runners, “I need you to pick it up for four strides right now up this hill and catch that group!! LET’S GO!!”
– For realsies, ***A DUDE LOST HIS M-F’in SHOES*** and tried to hang on to our ~blistering middle-of-the-pack pace.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“Catching up to and then passing some surfer bro from Pacific U. in Oregon who ***LOST HIS G.D. SHOES*** somewhere on the course.”

Did you happen to get his email or ICQ # that day? Shoeless Joe would love nothing more than to interview Shoeless Bro and commiserate about society’s tendency to, like you did above, MOCK US for choosing to use the tools God-bro gave us.

“…one coach, clutching his clipboard and doing math in his head to determine how many points his team was losing to a group of post-post-post-collegiate hobby-joggers, calling out instructions to his runners, ‘I need you to pick it up for four strides right now up this hill and catch that group!! LET’S GO!!'”

Maybe this was Shoeless Bro’s coach? Maybe Shoeless Bro misheard him and kicked off his shoes and ended up losing ground to an aging sack of excrement (no offense, Aaron)? Cause in XC, you *never* disobey anyone holding a clipboard. We need to know! Find me Shoeless Bro’s LiveJournal so I can investigate this issue the way only I know how!

Also, just try to imagine how happy and satisfied this coach’s wife is at home.

“For realsies, ***A DUDE LOST HIS M-F’in SHOES*** and tried to hang on to our ~blistering middle-of-the-pack pace”

Maybe it was by design? Maybe he got stung by a bee and had to slow the pace? Maybe he *let* you win? We’ll never know unless I get this guys’s AIM handle and conduct the interview this region deserves!

JOE-BRO 2018!!


Shad Birkholz

Member #: 1845
Race name: Montana Half-marathon
When was this race? 16 Sep 2018
How did you place?! 4th overall
Race website: Results
Race report:

Not even close to a PR. Didn’t get in a good pace the whole race lol

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“Not even close to a PR.”

Well, unless you’re Evan Williams…or one of his brothers…or hell, probably also his cousins too, most races shouldn’t be PRs, right?

“Didn’t get in a good pace the whole race”

This will come with age, Shad, don’t worry! I’m 38 and every race goes about as well as is possible given my cratering physiological health. You, being only (squints at results page)…….41 years old. Err, yeah nevermind.

“lol”

That’s the spirit!


Martin Criminale

Member #: 1348
Race name: Pine To Palm 100 Mile Endurance Run
When was this race? September 8 2018
How did you place?! I won my age group
Race website: roguevalleyrunners.com/pine-to-palm
*Your* website URL: martin.criminale.com
Race report:

I ran this race in 2016 and had a painful/27.5 hour experience. Ever since then I have wanted to try it again and get it “right”. My goal going in was sub-24 hours which I achieved running 23:17. Better pacing, planning and weather all played a part. It was super cool to finish in the dark, just like the elite runners. Hal Koerner has a million dollar smile, you can see it in the finish line picture. And he knows how to design an interesting course. This course is point-to-point, awesome.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“It was super cool to finish in the dark, just like the elite runners.”

Oooh, did I hear someone say “elite”?? I assume then irunfar was there?

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: “No”

Boooooooo

“Hal Koerner has a million dollar smile”

“Hal Koerner has a million dollar smile”

Wait, what?


Ariel Taylor

Member #: 2075
Race name: Beat the Blerch Marathon
When was this race? 9/15/2018
How did you place?! I won
Race website: beattheblerch.com
*Your* website URL: HA!
Race report:

It was my first marathon! And I’m a new src member! And I guess I won?!?! A giant marshmallow Blerch monster chased me the final mile of the course telling me to slow the eff down, which was super great for the psyche. Also super bummer–all the delicious cake that was promised to me at the finish line had been eaten by the 5/10k and half marathon runners. I guess that’s the perils of being a marathon runner…

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“I’m a new src member!”

Can I use this as evidence of my member recruitment in my civil suit against the President of this club who wants me to stop making these posts because he’s a Nick Symmonds fanboy who thinks I’m being too sarcastic in my NO RUN GUM policy?

“Also super bummer–all the delicious cake that was promised to me at the finish line had been eaten by the 5/10k and half marathon runners. I guess that’s the perils of being a marathon runner…”

Oh yeah, welcome to marathoning! Talk about blisters and 20 milers and splits and BQs and nipple chafing and crotch chafing and armpit chafing and ass chafing and thigh chafing and having no friends all you want, the true pain of this sport is getting screwed over by the shorter-distance people, leaving you with nothing but plain milk and fruit cups after you’ve plowed through 3000 calories. I hate all 10k runners.


“Big” Joe Creighton

Member #: 1049
Race name: PLU Invite
When was this race? 3rd Saturday of September 2018
How did you place?! I beat some 21 year olds?
*Your* website URL: www.boyz.exposed
Race report:

Originally the plan was to run this race purely as a gag and spend the entire 8 kilometers talking trash to as many man-bun’d college boys as possible and see if I could goad any of them into a fight and hopefully get them kicked off their team. To be honest the goal was to get 3 guys expelled from their schools. I didn’t care which schools, I just wanted at least 3 guys packing up their Pam Anderson posters into their duffel bags in the dorms later that day, going home to mom & dad cause they tried to punch a 38 year-old during their small-fry Div 3-NAIA-III Level 4a XC competition.

This plan sadly did not come to fruition. By the time I was to unleash the savage heckling I’d formed in my head whilst scanning the start-line, I was so out of breath that all ability to speak coherently was lost. Around 5k, I remember telling a specific man-bun that “your coif reminds me of a hairstyle I last saw on my aunt’s friend Donna so I’m gonna call YOU Donna now” and all he said was “what?” and slowly ran away from me. In his defense, I struggled so much to execute that roast that I barely understood what I was saying myself.

Another guy passed me around 6k and I, if I say so myself, remarked cleverly about the lack of definition in his calves, but he just looked back to me and went “huh?” but when I tried to repeat the ruthless zinger, it only came out “your calves are (pant) thin” and he just ran away shaking his head. I then started to feel bad; maybe his friends tell him that all the time 🙁 I mean, it’s not HIS fault his calves were shapeless and soft-looking.

The guilt stopped me from singling out any more guys, so instead I just focused on all the women teammates these guys seemed to have cheering for them and heckled them instead, reminding them that “hey #NotAllMen are named ‘Bryce’ honey.” Their confused faces proved I’d given them something to think about.

I ran 27:27 and finished….I don’t know what place. Definitely top-3 in the “looks like he’s probably into Steely Dan” category. I learned a lot of lessons that day though. Don’t be an asshole during races, don’t skip leg day, and while random Tacoma gas stations have the best energy drinks, they don’t accept checks.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!


Archived Member Race Reports

Categories
Club News Featured Interviews Member Information Race Reports

SRC Member Race Reports – August 2018

Once a month we’d like to showcase the races for members courageous enough to spend a few minutes filling out a Google Form, and until we get that sick shout-out from the CEO himself on Twitter or, preferably, Instagram®, we will *NOT* promote Run Gum!

First-placers, mid-packers, sweepers, we want to hear all the tales: heroism, zeroism, and everything in between. And as you see below, your submission can be as brief, or *long* as you’d like!

Are you racing this September? Probably! Here’s an incomplete list of “races” I accept:

  1. Real races! (road, track, trail, relays, obstacle courses, chasing that teen around the track after his friend Todd dared you to race him)
  2. Not really races(?) (stair climbs for cancer research, color runs, certain Mario Kart levels)
  3. Strava CRs! (no bikes)
  4. Strava CR attempts! (definitely no bikes)
  5. Beer Miles (5% abv or even PBR beer miles!)
  6. Beer ultras (Fat Glass is coming 9/22!)

Submit Your Race Report!

Let’s hand it off to AUGUST 2018’s, ONE BOSS HOSS and one other late hoss!
🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

Max Ferguson

Member #: 1247
Race name: Beast of Big Creek Trail Race
When was this race? 8/4/18
How did you place?! I won
Race website: Shelton Harriers
*Your* website URL: I don’t know how
Race report:

The following is a transcript from the Press Conference following the Beast of Big Creek Trail Race, held in Hoodsport Washington on August 4th, 2018.

Max Ferguson: Thank you all for coming, I’d like to share a short written message and following we can have a Q and A session for all in attendance.

Transcriptionist note: there are 24 empty folding chairs in a seemingly random campsite at the Big Creek Campground. Max has set up a podium he brought himself complete with a name plate. At the time of “beginning” this “Press Conference” there appears to be one lone person occupying the two dozen chairs available.

MF: Firstly I want to thank my parents without whom none of this would be possible. Their years of dedicated frugality forced me to spend many days wandering aimlessly in the wooded areas of the Cascade mountain range and the sprawling forgettable suburbs of unincorporated King County. This wandering skill I found critical in my athletic endeavors later in life. Not necessarily in high school. Or in college. Or even after college, now that I think about it. But a shit-load later in life. Right about the time I was missing my athletic prime, and had maybe one good year left in the ‘ol kickers. Yes, that’s when that childhood aimlessness kicked in.

I also want to thank the many fans in attendance today. I know that races such as UTMB receive far more gushing oration over their raucous all day fan brigade. But for my money, the homegrown ones here are the absolute best.

Finally, Id like to thank Keith Laverty for letting me borrow his watch today, and my greatest of apologies to his wife Elisa for being unable to “snag some of those fiery hot KOM monster vert climbs” for his Strava account.

With that being said, I’m more than happy to answer some questions from the gathered media presence we have here.

Note: There is no possible way the now 3 people sitting in the 24 available chairs is official media. One of these people simply appears to be a tired hiker who cannot find her parked vehicle. Also in ‘attendance’ is an unattended child consuming an entire roll of fruit by the foot and drawing frantically in a book.

Lost Hiker: I saw you running down that very narrow steep section with all the loose rock! I tried my best to move out of the way, but you still nearly knocked me off the trail coming past. Was that completely necessary?

MF: I’m afraid it may have been ma’m. I was in hot pursuit of some “gnarly AF descending Strava segs” and needed to test out all the running skills that slow motion footage from Salomon TV can teach an over the hill athlete such as myself.

LH: Well, you clearly could have just tried being safer, this is a public trail.

MF: Danger is my middle name.

Note: Max now puts on a pair of sunglasses. There is an audible groan from the now growing crowd of rather annoyed hikers.

MF: You there with the backpack and the “Short girls rule” tee shirt.

Note: Max points to a host of hikers annoyed by his trail maneuvering antics, one of whom has hand raised.

Annoyed Hiker #2: Did you at least have fun out there?

MF: I had an absolute blast. This is by far one of the great events in the Pacific Northwest that no one knows about. This race always puts a big smile on your face. Never immediately after, but like 2-3 days later, you’re smiling.

AH#2: It seems preposterously dangerous, who would you possibly recommend this race to? I see multiple people fell this year alone!

MF: I think the real question is not who should do this race, but only to weed out those who absolutely should not.

AH#2: Soo…who shouldn’t? Sane people?

MF: Well, hobby horses would find commiting to the entire event difficult. Self-identified triathletes would have issue not being able to legally purchase a ride to the upper trailhead. Politicians would have difficulty expending any effort to either climbing or descending the mountain based on the current media narrative being dissected at the time. Children under the age of 5 are much too small and weak, which is no good. Children over the age of 7 have too many wits about them, also not a skill-set necessary here at Mt. Ellinor. Classic rock DJs are forever living in the past and would be continuously talking about how ‘mountain races USED to be much more extreme…’

AH#2: Those all sound excruciatingly specific. These sentiments have clearly been brewing under the surface for quite some time.

MF: …Also! People infatuated with buckles, and who presumably have ill-fitting pants. This may not be your cup of tea as I’d recommend well-fitting clothing, and no clothing adapters are provided for finishing.

AH#2: So what do the finishers get?

MF: I know there are some sweet socks up for grabs and a stuffed animal of rotating species is handed out to the top men and women.

AH#2: The men and women both run the same distance right?

MF: Yes both men and women get to equally risk major injury racing headlong down a boulder field from the top of a 5900 foot mountain. Both receive the same trophy and equal shot at respective ascent and round trip records.

AH#2: So, how long is the race?

MF: That reminds me! People who need to know how long a race is should not do this race. This race is kinda a half marathon, but it’s most certainly not.

AH#2: So, it’s shorter?

MF: No.

Annoyed Hiker’s Extremely Tall Husband: So, it’s longer?

MF: Well, it could be.

AHETH: This man is an idiot.

MF: Idiots! They should also very much think twice about doing this race. You kinda have to have your head on a swivel on this race. Idiots most certainly are probably a net negative in this racing environment. Which reminds me, people who purchase individual tickets to Dave Matthews Band concerts. Not sure racing full speed down a mountain is up your alley–this isn’t the 7.5 minute rhythmically-beige saxophone solo of descents.

Note: There is a smattering of applause on this particular point.

AHETH: Aside from verbalizing your own insecurities, was there any point to this random gathering? Were there any amazing performances in the race aside from your own self congratulations?

MF: Hmmmmm, there was a 59 year dude wearing Wal Mart specials and tattered shorts that threw down an ass whipping on some youngsters. That was pretty neat.

AH#2: So how are you going to celebrate this run today?

MF: I’m most certainly going to have some finish line beer.

AHETH: Ohhh, do they have an IPA?

MF: Thankfully…no.

Note Surprisingly, the annoyed short female hiker with the shirt from Hot Topic circa 2008 is nodding in agreement.

AHETH: But I like IPAs, what’s wrong with an IPA?

Note: His wife is visibly ashamed of her husband’s poor taste in beer.

MF: I dunno, I guess the last thing I want to drink after turning my legs and feet into hamburger is a beer brewed solely for the purpose of attacking your mouth with reckless and near tasteless abandon. I appreciate that they brought beer to a finish line that is…ya know…drinkable.

AHETH: I guess that’s a fitting response for a man whose initials stand for –

MF: OKAY, I think that’s all the time I have, I’ll see you all again next year!

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

I understand imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but being loathed by annoyed hikers’ extremely tall husbands is kinda *MY* gimmick, Max?

Note: There is a smattering of applause on this particular point.

I find Max borderline intolerable in most instances (avoid him at parties, is all I’ll say), but I have to say this report…..kinda ruled? But really, do NOT engage with him in any social+public situation.

I told my gf that I set a personal goal of including a Freaks & Geeks gif in every month’s race report, and I’m kinda running out of time here. Ummmmmm…here’s me an hour after I stupidly bought Max a birthday lunch once back in 2014:


SPECIAL ‘LATE REPORTS’ SECTION FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE LATE!

Arthur Martineau

Member #: ??
Race name: White River 50
When was this race? 7/28/18?
How did you place?! ??
Race website: White River 50
Race report:

This race is a summertime classic it has been around for 26 years. This was to be my 13th year running this 50 mile ultramarathon. For my 13th finish in a row, I picked lucky number 13 as my race number. The weather was hot, but that’s what it’s like most years. There was a massive forest fire at the end of the summer last year which burned half of the first loop of the course. The trail crews did a ton of work on the trails to get them ready for the race, but they were still much rougher than usual. I previewed the first loop a few weeks earlier, so I knew what to expect.

It was a really lovely morning on race day Saturday. Scott did his standard race day briefing. I have no idea what he said; I haven’t listened to it in a quite few years. If he ever changes the course, I might be in trouble. The race started somewhat normal. I usually run the mostly flat 4 miles to the first aid station at a brisk pace. It’s cool at 6 am, so I like to get warmed up. About halfway to that first aid station (2 miles into the 50 race), I started to get some calf cramps. I expected to get some calf cramps during the run. My training has been about half of what it is typically this time of year. I didn’t expect to get them until around mile 20 or 30. I knew, no matter what, I had to get these 50 miles done. I stopped using my calves and slowed down just a little. I relied more on my hamstrings for a couple of miles, and the cramps went away. This is a technique I’ve used in long races many times before. The longer the race, the more I need to focus on using different muscle groups.

At four miles the first climb starts. My energy level was high, but I wanted to continue to hold back a little. I alternated running and hiking, but I felt like I was running a little more than most years. About 2 miles before the next aid station is where the burned out forest starts. The burned roots created holes in the trail. Thankfully all the fallen trees were cleared. It was about then that my hamstrings started to cramp. I should have seen this coming. I had been drinking a lot of water in the last few days. Looking back, I think my electrolytes must have been out of balance. So I stopped using my hamstrings on the climbs and flats, this worked. The cramps subsided. I was drinking a lot and sweating a lot and didn’t feel hot.

After the Ranger Creek aid station we climbed up onto the ridge, and the views were impressive. Mt. Rainier was in full view but so were the mountains in all directions. Running the ridgeline was rather uneventful, I only saw three of the frontrunners on the out and back. I started second guessing my pace. Was I going that fast? I didn’t think so. I made it to the turnaround aid station in about 2:50, that was a pretty average time for me. I took an extra second at the aid station to make sure I had everything and then headed back up toward the start.

It’s a rolling downhill all the way back to Buck Creek where the race starts. I didn’t feel as smooth or as fast as most years. I began to realize the second half of the day was going to be a struggle. I started to eat and drink on a faster schedule to fuel up for the second half. I went through the Ranger Creek aid station again and turned toward the highway. I was looking forward to getting out of the charred trees. The trail was riddled with holes from the forest fire for about a mile, then turned back into the buttery path I’m so used to running. I picked up the pace and passed three runners. I was quite surprised to see them as I felt like I was plodding along. I crossed back over the highway and went into the Buck Creek aid station. I filled up my bottle with some extra calories, instead of just water, and headed out around the airstrip.

It’s flat for a couple of miles, so I jogged easy, again trying to fuel more and digest before the climb. I continued to struggle with cramping on the uphills. I was alternating between the muscles that weren’t cramping at the time. I’m fortunate none of them fully locked up. I think it would have taken a while to stretch them out. At the Fawn Ridge aid station, I was careful not to eat very much. This aid station is in the middle of a long steep climb. I’ve been sick a few times just a 1/4 mile out of the aid station from the combination of heat, climbing, and too much food.

I did a lot of hiking from Fawn Ridge to Sun Top. It seemed every time I ran something would cramp. A few times even my quads began to twitch like they wanted to cramp. That could end my day. I tried to just give a good effort on the climbs and coast on downs. I was really running out of gas by the time I made it to Sun Top. Once again, the aid station crew were great. All day the volunteers have been very helpful. Either I looked terrible, or they were just having a great day hanging out in the beautiful sunshine.

I started down the road, walking. I walked for about a minute trying to psych myself up. Everything hurt, I had no energy, I just wanted to be done. The run down the road sucked, it was dusty and my legs hurt. I tried to drink every half mile, but I don’t really remember if I did. Trucks kept speeding past kicking up dust. I stopped a couple of times to let the dust settle. I was delighted to make that right turn into the woods at the last aid station.

My spirits were lifted, a little as I started my last leg of the race. If I could make it these last 6 miles without falling, my number one goal for the race would be met. I had a bad fall the previous weekend, and my hand was still recovering. If I fell on it again, I’d probably end up in a cast. I don’t have time for that. I started to calculate my time with how many miles were left. I figured out I still had a chance to be under nine hours, but I couldn’t take too many breaks. I had zero energy, so any slight hill brought me to a crawl. Without a single stumble, I made it out of the woods and jogged to the finish. My time was just under nine hours. I even managed to be fast enough for first place in the over 50 age group, so I get a cool picture from Glenn.

I look forward to next year. Everyone involved in this race does such a great job, I can’t imagine missing it. Maybe I’ll make it to 20 years like David Dutton!

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: ??
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“It was a really lovely morning on race day Saturday. Scott did his standard race day briefing. I have no idea what he said; I haven’t listened to it in a quite few years.”

Nice 😎

“About halfway to that first aid station (2 miles into the 50 race), I started to get some calf cramps.”

🤔 Calf cramps two miles into a 50 mile? I don’t know about you, but I’d have pulled the plug at that first aid station. Let’s see if you do the same!

“The longer the race, the more I need to focus on using different muscle groups. “

Pretty sure I said the same thing on my blog back in 9th grade after a particularly rough off-campus mile during P.E.

“I started down the road, walking. I walked for about a minute trying to psych myself up. Everything hurt, I had no energy, I just wanted to be done. The run down the road sucked, it was dusty and my legs hurt. I tried to drink every half mile, but I don’t really remember if I did. Trucks kept speeding past kicking up dust. I stopped a couple of times to let the dust settle.”

This promotional copy for the White River 50 Mile provided by Arthur Martineau!

“My spirits were lifted, a little as I started my last leg of the race. If I could make it these last 6 miles without falling, my number one goal for the race would be met.”

I’m only 38 years old and already my #1 goal at *any* trail run is to last 6 miles without falling 🙁

“I look forward to next year.”

How? Everything I’ve read so far reads like torture porn. 🤷‍♂️

“Maybe I’ll make it to 20 years like David Dutton!”

Is that a character from The Office?

Congrats Arthur! Only 350 miles til #20! That’s only like, umm…one Bigfoot 200 and an…average performance at a 48 hour track race!


Archived Member Race Reports

Categories
Featured Member Information Race Reports Uncategorized

SRC Member Race Reports – July 2018

Once a month we’d like to showcase the races for members courageous enough to spend a few minutes filling out a Google Form, and until we get that sick shout-out from the CEO himself on Twitter or, preferably, Instagram®, we will *NOT* promote Run Gum!

First-placers, mid-packers, sweepers, we want to hear all the tales: heroism, zeroism, and everything in between. And as you see below, your submission can be as brief, or *long* as you’d like!

Are you racing this August? Probably! Here’s an incomplete list of “races” I accept:

  1. Real races! (road, track, trail, relays, obstacle courses, chasing that teen around the track after his friend Todd dared you to race him)
  2. Not really races(?) (stair climbs for cancer research, color runs, certain Mario Kart levels)
  3. Strava CRs! (no bikes)
  4. Strava CR attempts! (definitely no bikes)
  5. Beer Miles (5% abv or even PBR beer miles!)
  6. Beer ultras (Fat Glass is coming 9/22!)

Submit Your Race Report!

Let’s hand it off to July 2018’s, SIGH, FOUR BOSS HOSSES!
🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

Katelen Phelan

Member #: 1578
Race name: Carnation Run for the Pies 5k
When was this race? July 4th
How did you place?! 2nd in my age group (aka won my pie)
Race website: Run For the Pies 5K
Race report:

11 SRC runners turned up at this small town 5k on the 4th. We city slickers came hoping to win pies as one of the top 3 in our various age groups. While scoping out the competition for Club NW folks, I only noticed 3 orange singlets, but also a surplus of a new-to-me running group- ERC (Eastside Running Club). Competition looked high and I was instantly regretting my decision to run a 16 mile trail run with 4,000 ft. elevation gain the day prior. I started my race at a very fast clip, breezing past little kids who ran like zigzagging bumblebees. Noticing my high speed, I turned it down a notch, still managing to pass a CNW runner. The road section transitioned to gravel at a righthand turn. Some (perhaps) well-meaning volunteer decided to walk across the path to cheer folks on from that side just as I was making my turn. A quick “Woah, lady!” slipped out of my mouth. That fury fueled me for the gravel stretch. I finally slid past a teenage runner who had closed me off several times at 2 miles. At 2.4 miles, I passed a few more runners, including a Oiselle lady, then two guys who began a chorus of heavy breathing upon my passing, motivating me to run even faster. The finish line was closing in and I was neck and neck with a young man. Seconds to the finish line I was sure he would beat me, but I kicked it into high gear and beat him by 1 second on the clock… though his chip time was ahead of me by 1 second. Thanks to the flat course, competition, months of high mileage, and promise of a pie, I had myself a 38 second 5k PR! I got my lovely winning pie as 2nd in my age group, along with 7 other SRC runners. I think we have ourselves a new 4th July tradition!

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“11 SRC runners turned up at this small town 5k on the 4th.”

Nice, look forward to 10 more race reports from this race!

“While scoping out the competition for Club NW folks, I only noticed 3 orange singlets”

The rest of their club was washing my car that day 😏

(Looks around expectantly for a high-five, spills ice cream on shirt)

“I turned it down a notch, still managing to pass a CNW runner.”

“I kicked it into high gear and beat him by 1 second on the clock… though his chip time was ahead of me by 1 second.”

Ugh, the only thing I can think of off the top of my head that is more disappointing than finding out later you got chip-time’d at the finish line is that day you find out as a dad that your #teen son is going through his dog collar phase.

“…and promise of a pie, I had myself a 38 second 5k PR!”

Congrats Katelen; free pie and a PR is great way to start this post off on a high note! I can’t wait for the other 10 members to tell me their tales of glory!


Dan Sloat (also Evan Williams and Joe Kelly and Kevin Lin)

Member #: 1955
Race name: Ragnar NW Passage
When was this race? July 13-14
How did you place?! 2nd Overall, 1st Ultra
Race website: Ragnar Site
Race report:

I’ve been wanting to try out NW Passage for a couple years. I could only find 5 runners and thought “hey, 34 miles isn’t that bad and I hate sleep” so we did an ultra. The team also included SRC members Evan “tempos in crocs” Williams, Joe “Willing to do an ultra on a week’s notice” Kelly, and Kevin Lin!

We started in the last wave and began what would be a 20+ hour struggle for the overall race lead with a 12-person team. Fast forward to 4:30am. Lining up for my third double leg, I contemplated how many more 6 minute miles I had in me. The answer was 9. Unfortunately, it was a 14 mile leg. Check out my Strava if you want to see my gradual descent into death. Shout out to the Club NW guys on the rival team who ran alongside me to give me water as I staggered through an epic bonk.

We held on to the overall race lead as late as 188 miles into the 200 mile race, but sleep deprivation and huge mileage took its toll. We shocked ourselves with our 6:08 average pace – a solid effort all around. The course was beautiful and the race well organized. We had a great time despite (because of?) the suffering. We swore we’ll never do it again, but I’m sure I’ll find myself fighting sleep to drive Evan’s little Honda along a country road while chugging a tailwind and luna bar smoothie again next year.

Heard at an exchange, as Evan flew by shirtless at 5:10 mile pace: “Man, that guy is in way too good of shape. He’s making us look bad.”

Also check out Joe’s face of regret upon shotgunning a 16oz beer.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

ALL TEH RACE IMAGES

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“I contemplated how many more 6 minute miles I had in me. The answer was 9.”

Whoa that’s great! Congrats!

“Unfortunately, it was a 14 mile leg.”

Oh sorry, I suppose I should have read ahead.

“a solid effort all around.”

Don’t be so humble, Dan! “A solid effort all around” is how I describe to QFC employees my cat’s typically-unsuccessful attempts to pee in his litter box. As my 10th grade PE coach would put it, you 6 were the first losers in a 199-mile relay race!

“We swore we’ll never do it again”

I’ve lost track how many times I’ve said this about Hot Pockets and/or Hazy IPAs…

“…while chugging a tailwind and luna bar smoothie again”

It’s just us Dan, you can call it “beer.”

“Heard at an exchange, as Evan flew by shirtless at 5:10 mile pace: ‘Man, that guy is in way too good of shape. He’s making us look bad.'”

Evan used to chew on my farts during races. Now I sit in my underwear and comment on other people’s races on SRC.org while he runs 5min mile repeats in Crocs and elicits this reaction from anyone he runs by:


Olin Berger

Member #: 1579
Race name: White River 50
When was this race? July 28th 2018
How did you place?! Who cares?
Race website: http://www.whiteriver50.com
*Your* website URL: https://www.monsterenergy.com/us/en/gaming
Race report:

Last year’s race wasn’t enough of a challenge, especially with the highly crushable, high-octane, beast-unleasher (TM) of Monster Hydro. That’s why this year I put the choke slam on the Enumclaw Safeway’s pesto pasta salad pre-race. Could the relentless climbs of WR50 and butt eruption be enough to hold back the Blonde Beast (unleashed by highly crushable, high-octane Monster Hydro)?

One mile into the race and the rest of the pack was already just a speck in my rear-view mirror, which I had torn off since I don’t care about the past, I only rage forward into the future. By the first aid station, Sage Canaday’s CR split was so far behind me I’d have time to watch all-time Rob Schneider classic, The Benchwarmers, before his ghost caught up. Then, nearing the top of the summit, I reached the area devastated by last year’s fire and had to reassess my priorities. Clearly, who the ultimate competitor was had been proven at this point of the race, but there were plenty of other problems out there to crush; what would Rodney Sacks, CEO of Monster Beverage do?

While the other racers blindly ran on, not yet accepting they’d already lost to the undeniable hydrating flavors and unique energy blend of Monster Hydro, I selflessly did what I could to refertilize the fire-damaged areas around Norse Peak. And because Monster Hydro doesn’t let you quit, even though I never quit, I kept up crushing this service to nature all the way back down the mountain. The rest of the race, which was over in my mind, having won, is history, which I don’t pay attention to since I only rage forward into the future fueled by the chakra-blasting, career-boosting, near-death, best-life experience of Monster Hydro.

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Rodney Sacks, CEO of Monster Energy Sez!

Young man, I don’t know who you are, but my youngest son Bllevyn from my 3rd marriage linked to me to this post and I just wanted to say that I think your exactly what were looking for here at Monster Energy . Fit blond and pony-tailed. Your right, Monster Hydro is non-carbonated and lightly sweetened with natural flavors to make it thirst quenching and easy drinking i’m excited your a fan! If your on Snapgram or Timber like my son Hammyr from my 2nd marriage, I hope your exuding that “to the future!” spirit to the masses as well Only because my eldest son Ron from my 1st marriage tells me these blogs don’t do really do anything for our social media efforts cause noone read’s them they’d rather tap on pics on there phone..speaking of phones call me Olin thanks -Rodney


Adam Hicks

Member #: 2019
Race name: Burning River 100
When was this race? 7/28/2018
How did you place?! 28 OA, 5 AG
Race website: Link
Race report:

This one is a bit long, but It covers 100 miles, so…

Shortly after running my first 50k last fall, I signed up for a 50 miler as a winter getaway. Of course, I didn’t even wait to experience that before signing up for my first 100 miler: Burning River. At the time, I was still living in Cleveland and could get to any section of the course within a 40 minute drive, so I spent the winter running portions of the course in the snow.

Having about 3 months in Seattle to complete my training made me much stronger on the hills and gave me practice on more technical trails. I’m not sure how much better I am with technical trails, given how much blood I’ve left out on those trails since April…

Race day had nearly perfect weather. It rained overnight and was very humid at the start, but it was only 65 in the early hours and the high for the day was 75 with sun. I started out in road shoes as the first 11 miles were on road with fairly easy trails after that to the first drop bag at mile 21. There were 2 creek crossings in there that required going ankle-deep, so a shoe change was in order by that point anyway. I had a pacing plan for each major section and was doing pretty well. I was very close for the first 11, though I came into mile 21 10 minutes early after misreading the wrist band I had my pacing strategy noted on. I used some of that extra time for my shoe change and a bathroom break without feeling rushed.

The next 20 or so miles were pleasant, running through the woods and sharing miles with other runners when our paces aligned. It was mile 45 where things turned. I was feeling good about my hydration and calorie consumption, but I started getting nauseous and was having trouble taking water. The gels, shot blocs, and sport beans I was carrying suddenly all sounded awful. I had trained with these items up to 33 miles (and used them in my 50 miler), so I was in foreign territory without any experience with fixing tummy issues. I was still about 10 min ahead though and figured I could take it easy into mile 50 with hopes that I would feel better then.

My pacing plan had me finishing around 20 hours, 30 minutes (which was crazy ambitious for hundo #1), but I came into the 50 mile station at 9h30m, having given up my 10 min time bank. Unfortunately, I was still having trouble eating. I took about 20 minutes to slowly try different food and rest. My mind started to despair here, which was probably a mix of mental fatigue and things not going well in a way I wasn’t familiar with. Deep down, I knew I was doing great and even still had a great shot at sub-24hr, but I left the halfway point nearly in tears carrying a Ziploc baggie full of pb&j sandwiches that didn’t really sound any better to eat than gels at that point.

The next 10 miles were a combination of walking and jogging. This was especially brutal as it was a pretty flat portion of the course where even a slow run would have been 4-5 min/mi faster (I was averaging about 16:30/mi here I believe). I was still having trouble drinking and this was the least shade I would have through the middle of the day, compounding my issues. Somewhere in here I also realized that, in my funk at the halfway point, I failed to re-apply Vaseline and get some Tums to see if those might help me.

Around mile 55 the aid station was run by the Cleveland Triathlon Club and I knew some folks volunteering. Their energy was a big mental boost and, when I asked about Tums, a volunteer must have dumped half a bottle into my pb&j baggie. I would munch on those periodically for a while and the helped a little.

At the mile 60 aid station I was surprised to run into a former coworker volunteering. We had a little chat, I got some Vaseline to apply (it was too little too late), and this was the first aid station with GRILLED FREAKING CHEESE!!! This was the first real food I was able to take since mile 45 (over 4 hours ago). I managed some pickle juice as well and went on my way.

On my way to the mile 66 aid station, I got a text that my first pacer, Sean, who had planned to meet me at mile 72 had been following me online and saw I was in trouble, so he drove out to pick me up 6 miles early. The Tums had been helping a little bit, but I was still in rough shape. Knowing that I would have a pacer soon helped me run a little bit more to mile 66 and I had decided there was one last thing I hadn’t tried to help my tummy. I was going to move on to Coke and see if the cola would help.

I rolled into 66 a little bit stronger. I explained to Sean what I was going through and what I had been eating. He suggested that I may have been low on salt as the chewables I was using were much less potent than caplets. I took more salt, had some grilled cheese, ramen, and coke (the most calories in a long time!) and we headed out. It took a little while, but I started feeling much better. Not great, and I was still having trouble eating on the run, but it was the best I had felt in quite a while. We ran more than I had been and I came into mile 72 feeling stronger.

The coke and ramen had gone down best, so I went back to those options again. The grilled cheese wasn’t working for me any more, so I doubled down on what was. I also had pickle juice and green grapes. Over the next 4.5 mile section, I started to feel really strong. I don’t think I realized till later, but I believe the caffeine in the Coke gave me a huge boost. Toward the end of this section, I even ran down a relay runner. As good as I was feeling, Sean and I decided maybe I was going a little too hard with 25 miles to go.

I was a little quicker through the mile 77 aid station. Coke, ramen, pickle juice, grapes. This would pretty much be my go-to at every station from here on out. It was also time to trade in my sunglasses and cap for my headlamp. I also tossed a light wind breaker in my pack and grabbed a Payday bar, which I had packed as a special, salty treat for later in the race.

The sun set between 77 and 82 and it got pretty chilly outside of the woods. It was pretty surprising how much heat the woods retain after sundown! I managed to eat half the Payday bar in this stretch (very slowly) which was my first time taking calories between stations in a long time (and the last, I think). I was also extra motivated to get to the next station as the captain had promised me a beer prior to the race. Chafing became a really big problem around this time.

As we rolled into the next stop, I put my wind breaker on to keep myself warm, which helped a lot and stopped in the bathroom to wedge some TP between my cheeks. It was a last-ditch effort to help the chafing, but it worked perfectly! That problem was completely solved the the rest of the run at least. At this station, I got coke, ramen, pickle juice, a cold Coors Light, and tried grilled cheese again (nope). The beer was a great moral boost going into a hilly 5 mile loop, but I also knew this would be the last really hilly section and I had trained on it a lot so I would know what to expect even when fatigued and in the dark. After some prodding from my pacer we were off.

Early in the race, there were some relatively steep downhills on road that I tried to take easy but ended up using a short choppy stride that I wasn’t used to. By mile 20, I had some discomfort in my right shin that I thought felt like shin splints. It stayed with me all day, so I tried to focus on good form without heel striking. By mile 82, it was starting to really hurt. The hilly section between 82-87 really took it’s toll and I had to be really careful on downhills for the first time. I also started to legitimately worry about serious injury. I had almost 20 miles to go and was in significant pain. I wasn’t sure how it would hold up (though I knew I was well-enough along that I could finish as long as I could walk). With my increased pace since mile 66, I had a decent shot at 23 hours, which Sean kept telling me to stop thinking about. All in all though, my attitude was really positive at this point.

The station at 87 came and went. I had my routine down now: 4 small cups of coke, ramen, pickle juice, some grapes, and go. This 5 mile section was mostly road and then one good hill in the woods. The road was easier on my shin, but just keeping my foot from dropping and dragging on the ground really hurt now. As we entered the wooded section, we heard a coyote. Sean remarked on how cool that was and then we heard another and another and another… Suddenly, up the trail ahead, we heard maybe a dozen coyotes howling… and then fighting. It sounded really vicious. Sean and I were silent for a bit and I had visions of running into some injured, pissed off coyotes on the trail. Luckily, that didn’t happen, though it was an unnerving 2 miles through that section of woods.

Back out on the road, I knew the next aid station was getting close. Now walking hurt about as much as running with the shin pain, so I picked up the pace. I was running people down that I hadn’t seen since mile 60 or before and leaving them in my tracks. At mile 92 I exchanged pacers (my younger sister, Brittany, tagged in) as well as shoes (back to more padded road shoes for the last ~10 miles). This was my only time sitting down the entire race. I did my nutrition routine and we took off. I definitely wasn’t getting the hydration and calories I needed, but I figured I could make it to the end. I needed to average 12/mi to finish under 23 and we headed down the path at a 10/mi pace out of the aid station.

I still had nausea, but the shin pain was getting REALLY bad. A wrong step here or there would result in me crying out in pain and stopping in my tracks. It was even worse trying to get started again after a short break. I was having to crouch down and bounce a little to stretch out my hips, knees, and ankles and then start running as soon as possible to avoid tightening up. I decided at this point that I wouldn’t be able to run for about 8 weeks, so I might as well make the most of this race. I also wanted it to be over as soon as possible. We hit mile 97 and had just 4.3 miles to go.

There was one more section of trail with some small hills and some stairs, but I could taste the finish line already. My watch died around this time and Brittany didn’t have her distance/time worked out to know what we needed to do to get in at 23 hours, so I was just going as hard as I could. We hit a nice, smooth downhill on a road an I had to walk. The pain was searing. I hobbled through the woods and had to use the hand rails to get down the stair cases. When the path ahead flattened out for good, I decided I needed to run the rest if at all possible. Each time I stopped to walk, getting started again hurt more and more.

We were then out on road for the last 1.5 miles. Every step hurt so bad, whether it was walking or running, so I told Brittany that I was going for the finish as fast as I could. Pretty soon she couldn’t keep up and continued to cheer me on from behind. That last mile and a half felt like a sub-8 pace. I was passing other runners on my way in and, when I saw the finish, I was in a dead sprint, crossing the line at 22:50:02.

I was exhausted. I congratulated a few runners that crossed behind me and then sunk into a chair. A volunteer brought me my buckle and Brittany grabbed me a ginger ale. I’m not sure how long I sat there; maybe 20 minutes before I started to get cold and decided to head over to the hotel. I got a hot bath, drank some water, ate a little something, and tried to sleep. I was way too uncomfortable to sleep. My hips ached and my shin burned, so I tossed and turned for about 4 hours. I decided to get up and grab some breakfast before heading back to the finish for the last hour before the cutoff. It was great to see 3 runners beat the cutoff in the last 30 minutes and the runner that came in 15 minutes after clearly wasn’t worried about the official time, she had covered 101.3 miles under her own power and the joy in her accomplishment was clear.

It’s been a week now and I can’t believe how well I’ve recovered! A physical therapist friend took a look at my shin later on Sunday and suggested that I probably just had a strain of the tibialis anterior (a much less serious injury than shin splints), which has proven true as it feels almost 100% 8 days later. I ran 5 miles on Tuesday (which was too much) and then 5 more on Thursday (still too much but manageable). After 2 more days off I ran 20 on the Sunday following my race and felt really strong. I’m excited that I’ll be able to do some more racing this summer and fall!

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“This one is a bit long…”

“At this station, I got coke, ramen, pickle juice, a cold Coors Light, and tried grilled cheese again”

AKA what you’d get from me for dinner if you dated me between 1998 – 2009.

“and stopped in the bathroom to wedge some TP between my cheeks. It was a last-ditch effort to help the chafing, but it worked perfectly!”

“4 small cups of coke, ramen, pickle juice, some grapes”

My Friend Derek would marry a mason jar of pickle juice if it were socially acceptable, and I don’t think he’s ever talked about pickles as much as you have here.

“A physical therapist friend took a look at my shin later on Sunday and suggested that I probably just had a strain of the tibialis anterior.”

Well yeah, I coulda told you that!

All joking aside, congrats Adam! Despite what the wise souls at LetsRun may type out during their refractory period, running 100 miles will never not be an insane accomplishment that you’ll be able to take with you forever (just not to work; no one at your work will *ever* sincerely care). Though after reading that, I’ve never wanted to run a 100 miler any less than I do right now.

Also, welcome to Seattle! I have a feeling you’ll like the trail running out here.


Katelen Phelan

Member #: 1578
Race name: White River 50
When was this race? July 28th 2018
How did you place?! I made it in before the 14hour cut-off!
Race website: whiteriver50.com
Race report:

This race started at 6am, meaning I woke up at 4:30 am to drive down to the starting line. Already sleep deprived, but excited for the adventure, I started out strong and optimistic, but smart enough not to push too hard at the start. The first stretch is rolling hills for ~5 miles until the very steep ascent for the next several miles. I ran/hiked by fellow SRC memebers Ellen Lavoie and Jack Rosenfeld (Jack was racing uphill in sandals?!) and saw Uli at an aid station ~10 miles in. The climb continues with breathtaking views along the way. My spirits were still high even as the sun started to peak out and speed racers like SRC runners Keith, Olin, Amon and Martin were breezing past the opposite direction. Their descents looked dicey, especially over loose rock and near steep drop offs. But boy was that decent a treat. Given this day’s total elevation gain of 8,700ft, my technique was to run the flats, manageable downhills and rolling hills, while hiking the steep uphills. I rolled into the Buck Creek Aid Station (mile 27.2) with the joy of running my a hill decent I mostly hiked up and seeing friends. The service was incredible! 3 different SRC volunteers asked what I needed and got right to it! I swapped out my socks, sat down for a bit, then eventually was told to carry on with my race- now or never. The next stretch felt bad. I needed a restroom and ended up using Mother Nature for that. I had minimal desire to run the flats for a bit. The temperature was rising and This part was more exposed than before- just as Herb Sitz told me. I made a push to the next aid station, comforted by the many other miserable runners I met along the trail. From this aid station to the next -Sun Top Mountain (~37.2 miles) I enjoyed the rolling hills, flats, descents, and meeting a new SRC member- Daisy. I saw Aaron and Glen out taking pictures and the view before Sun Top was incredible! Sun Top Mountain was great- Kat treated me with different savory food options (too kind), Andy was out of snow cones (I’ll hunt him down for one later), Ian tainted me by drinking a beer, Brian had great jams to liven the spirits, and there were full bathroom facilities- a great place to explore how bad my chafing situation was! The next 6 mile gravel stretch sucked. By the time I got to the last aid station- Skookum Flats, I was almost in tears from pure misery (chafing, foot pain, knee pain, back pain, boredom). When asked how I was doing, my response was; “I feel terrible”. Aid station folks assured me I had 6.6miles to go and only ~300m once I hit the gravel road. I started walking the flats, then got bored and kicked it up. The hills are rolling and I ran every descent, flat and gentle hill from then on. Once at the road I pushed it out of pure enthusiasm to be done. Then I was! I was handed a finisher’s glass of ice cold water, I waddled over to a chair, learned my time was under the 14 hour cut off, but after my 12 hour goal- 13:22:01 hours. Food tasted great, sitting felt great, a beer was great, my ability to walk like my normal self felt permanently broken. But hey, I just ran my first 50 miles in one go!

Did iRunFar interview you before or after the race?: No
Race image(s):

Shoeless Joe Sez!

“and saw Uli at an aid station ~10 miles in.”

#wellactually, it’s about 18.33 kilometres</uli>

“just as Herb Sitz told me”

Herb Sitz gave you advice, huh?! He advised me I would have more success with this feature and maybe get more Pie and 5K finisher reports if I posted these as they came in rather than monthly. Right after he said that (at an FLB Monday group run), my credit card was declined.

“Andy was out of snow cones”


ANDY!

“…and only ~300m once I hit the gravel road.”

#wellactually, it’s about 702 metres</uli>

High five, Katelen! May there be many more 50 milers and 100 milers and race report submissions in your future!


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